Crazy Mind

Loooong Time...

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 23:15:02 GMT

Wow, my poor little blogdrive must feel all kinds of neglected lately. Not that anyone comes here and reads this stuff anyway, but I'll update on the fabulous world of Sarah.

So I've met a boy. Oh yes, in my long journey of searching for love, encountering loser after loser I've finally found a gem. His name is Brandon, he's 23 and he lives in GA. We started off just friends and the more and more I got to know him the more and more I liked him and like quickly turned into love and the same for him and now here we are. This Fri. I'm leaving for Atlanta and Sat. we are leaving for Fort Lauderdale together for 10 DAYS! Well 8 there, but 11 days together. I can't wait, I'm so in love with him, he's the most fabulous man I've ever met in my whole freakin' life. He's sweet, thoughtful, caring, great listener (says he loves to listen to my ramble, hello, I RAMBLE!), smart as hell (love that), cute, cute, cute, arty, LOVES music (can't wiat to learn about all his music), loves the simple things, is just a perfect guy. PERFECT! He's adorable to me, I just love him to pieces! So yeah, I'm SUPER excited.

Other news, I won a $2000 scholarship last week. That was awesome. I seriously need that. I was suppose to move to Hattiesburg with Charlene, but don't think that's happening now. I mean she and I aren't a match, and she's so concerned with finding a place that she's basically giving up. So I guess this screws her, Patrica, and myself. Oh well if i have to I'll just live at home and commute. LONG FUCKING COMMUTE. Oh well, such is life I suppose. I'll find people after next semester, and Brandon's even talked about the possibility of his moving here, so it'll work out in the end. It always seems to.

I'm a film student now too, and that's the highlight of my life, seeing it's going to be my life. I CAN'T WAIT. I just need the knowledge, the know how. How to use the equipment, how to properly direct. I have all the creative ability, I've had it my whole life, now I just need that stuff and I'm freakin' set.

So yeah life is cool and all now. THANK GOD. Peace out yo.

photographs.

Tue, 10 May 2005 01:55:02 GMT

Everyone go to my site.

www.geocities.com/photographicview

Go now, praise me on my excellent photos and excellent site. I am proud.

Sign the guestbook. THANKS!

GO, what are you waiting for??

Seriously, what? Nothing is that interesting here...GO GO GO.

I'm sorry Rick James...

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 22:26:34 GMT

Dear Rick James,

I read the article in the New York Post after someone posted a comment on my page about it on here and I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for taking your sign and costing you $4.75. If you want I'll write you a check.

Sarah

Restart

Fri, 01 Apr 2005 22:59:59 GMT

I had shut down,
Disreguarded all possibility,
Turned back into that blackened heart of an empty soul,
Lost all hope of happiness and truth,
All seemed desperate and dark.

In came the light,
Possibility seems endless,
The black is fading from my heart and my soul is restored,
Hopeful is my happiness and truth,
Nothing desperate, nothing dark.

Unsure of what's to come,
I wait,
I hope,
I am hopeful because of you.

Dunno.

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 00:45:55 GMT

So uh yeah...

Relationships arent' stupid, people are...

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 22:23:49 GMT

In my short 20 years I've observed a lot, more then I would have liked to really. I've seen relationships live and die, I've seen people fall apart, I've seen people sink to the bottom, I've seen hard times, I've seen easy times. I've even experienced a rotten relationship. I sometimes look at all the observation as a negative thing, but really it's a wonderful thing. I'm happy that I've seen what I've seen, I'm also happy that I've learned as much as I have at my age. I sometimes lose hope and think that I will never be happy in a relationship, but really you make yourself happy, you make your relationship work, everything is up to you. There is no excuse for it. Money, security, just having someone to be with, those aren't reasons for a relationship. Love, enjoyment of the person, compassion for the person, lust, those are reasons (all together is best) for a relationship. People who are unhappy usually are that way b/c of either their own selfish wants or needs, or the fact that they don't work at the relationship at all. I mean it's work, but it's also enjoyment. It's seeing that look on someone's face when you enter a room, it's that feeling you get when they touch you or they kiss you, or they just are there. I think people are selfish. When I am with someone I want to make them feel loved and spoiled and I like them to do the same. It's a two way street, it's give it's take, not take take take, give give give. Jesus people piss me off. I mean if you're unhappy being lonely then deal with it until you find someone you really care about, don't just settle, whatever the reason is. I don't understand settling, I want to be with someone who loves me and I love or I don't want it at all. I'd rather be alone then with someone I am tolerating. A relationship should be built on an absolute love and respect for the other person. You should want to be with the person a lot, you should love all those weird things that make them who they are, you should cheerish them, not resent them, not want to get away from them as soon as possible. I mean hello!!! Ok, I'm done rambling, just pissed at people. I personally am having a good ole time. I've met someone I really like and I'm just going to take it one day at a time, see what happens. :)

Vote Rick James Bitch!

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 08:16:36 GMT

Vote Rick James Bitch!
Current mood: determined

I stumbled upon Hattiesburg's wonderful Rick James while taking a leisurely drive through the ghetto of Hattiesburg with my friend Noah. It was a rainy day and nothing seemed to lift our spirits until...there it was the sign that would change our lives forever. "Vote Rick James." A simple red, white, and blue sign it seemed to radiate as we stopped in the middle of the road. Without haste we decided the sign must be ours. In a brave dash I ran out of the car, grabbed the first reluctant sign and off we drove. The excitement was high and it definitely lifted those sad little spirits. Hattiesbug's Rick James had entered our lives though this glorious sign and altered it forever. Later that day, still excited about our find, we introduced our friend Zack to this spiritual up lifter. After a trip to the mall we decided it would be best to spread the word of the infamous Rick James. While driving through the parking lot of the Turtle Creek Mall Noah cranked up the music and Zack hung our supportive Rick James sign out of the window. It truly was magical.

The next day we realized our beloved Rick wasn't being supported like he should. We plan to change this. We're spreading the word. What can you do? Simple, on...um...whatever day elections are, Vote Rick James. BITCH!

Thank you.

(Rick James is unaware of our endorsement and is no way connected to three crazy Mississippi kids. But he should be...)

Peter Stuff

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 03:59:26 GMT

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Here at Peter is my Project, we are dedicated to a special cause. What is this cause you ask? Well it's simple, it's making sure that Peter gets laid. I don't mean laid just by anyone either, oh no, we screen our applicants (well once we get some) with the utmost consideration. We want to ensure that once Peter gets some, he never goes back. Back to what I'm sure you're asking...well to an obsession. Being the loving, compassionate people (person really, it's just me for this cause, not like an organization...YET!!!) we are, we will work night and day on this pressing matter. So please won't you help? With a $.25 donation, you too can help Peter get laid. Thank you.


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A picture of the goods! Click the picture.


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WTF?

Wed, 23 Feb 2005 14:49:48 GMT

So last night I'm sitting at home, taking a practice test for physical science, talking to Brooks and Beth, when my phone rings. Yes MY phone, see how infrequently this happens? Anyway it wasn't my general ringtone which is Jet's "Cold Hard Bitch" well it's a different one and for a moment I am trying to figure it out (see I'm in a different room than my phone) and I get up and I realize it's "Wish You Were Here" by Incubus and that's my ex's ringtone that I left on there in case this ever happened. Yeah so he called, I missed it, didn't call back. He's the one having the baby with the skank 'ho and he's in FL working right now...so yeah, freaked me out, don't wanna get in the middle of that stuff...no sir E.

The Rizzle World

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 06:29:26 GMT

I made a tape and I'm going to send it to The Real World. I'm a SELLOUT BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wish me luck!!!

Dye

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 21:56:07 GMT

Yesterday I dyed my hair back to it's NATURALLY dark color. My little way of flipping off the sun's lightening agents. I had a funny thought though. THIS IS HOW INSANE I AM. You know that Meatloaf song "I won't do that" oh come on, anyone born before 1986 knows it! Anyway, it's on a Dr. Pepper commercial now, and so it was stuck in my head. Here were my thoughts while dying my hair:

Wow, what did that bitch ask him to do that he was so against? Must have been some kinda really freaky shit. I mean he says "I would do anything for love, but I WON'T DO THAT." I mean he felt so strongly about not doing whatever it is she wanted him to do, that he wrote a freakin' song about it. Eh, who knows. I like to think it has something to do with an animal, a third guy, or a dildo, but I'm strange.

See, how crazy?

People.

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 21:50:49 GMT

If you look at my stuff, leave me a comment. This is all I ask. It entertains me. I entertain you, you entertain me...get it? Peace.

Cody says...

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 03:13:05 GMT

Cody just said the following: Cody=MSippiISNTawFUL Sarah=edsam1

edsam1 (7:26:20 PM): hey stranger

MSippi ISNTawFUL (7:26:25 PM): yo

MSippi ISNTawFUL (7:26:31 PM): i thought about textin u today

MSippi ISNTawFUL (7:26:34 PM): to say i'm sorry

edsam1 (7:26:36 PM): for real?

edsam1 (7:26:38 PM): sorry?

MSippi ISNTawFUL (7:26:44 PM): yea for what i did to u

edsam1 (7:26:48 PM): what did you do?

MSippi ISNTawFUL (7:26:58 PM): like stop talkin to you

edsam1 (7:27:13 PM): oh, well it's ok, i mean no hard feelings :-)

edsam1 (7:27:22 PM): we're talking now, haha

MSippi ISNTawFUL (7:27:28 PM): ok ill talk to u more about it later..i gotta go sorry

edsam1 (7:27:35 PM): it's ok, later babe

MSippi ISNTawFUL signed off at 7:37:04 PM.

I AM CONFUSED! What!?!?!?!

I don't know what the fuck I want!!!!

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 00:44:20 GMT

I swear I hate the human mind. One second I want to be single. The next I'm like, maybe I could be with Hosey, the next I'm like, I don't know if I want to be. I HATE IT! The thing I hate the most is it makes me think about John and how easy that was in some ways. Yeah we fought a good bit, but I knew it was where I wanted to be for that moment. Then it was all taken away, although I was the one who left, but I didn't have a choice. I've even thought to myself "What if I had talked to him, would he had gotten Audry pregnant?" like it's my fault he fucked the whore and get her pregnant. I guess I think about that b/c now that it's done there's no going back, ever. A year, a whole year has gone by, more than a year actually and I still think about him. Will it ever go away? I don't think it will, I actually think it will get worse b/c I know one day he's going to call me, or show up where I am or some shit. Why does it all have to be so difficult? I mean I try to make it simple, but there's no way to. I miss him, I miss everything we had. I hate her too. I hate her more than I could ever hate anyone. When I found out they were having a boy it really hurt me. I want to have a son someday and I use to want one with him and it was almost like "Sean Avery" the name we had for our child someday (far far away) had died. I dunno, maybe I'm insane...

Coolest Place on the Web!

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 01:47:05 GMT

PoeticCranium

www.geocities.com/poeticcranium

That's my shiznit! GO AND SIGN MY GUESTBOOK DAMN IT!

Ginkle

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 23:48:41 GMT

Ginkle- a tickling sensation in the back of your throat.

Yeah that's right, I made that shit up when I was like 3 to describe what peas did to my throat. Geez I'm a feakin' genious! For rizzle though! I'm excited people have actually been looking at this crazy shit I write, one guy even commented! WHAT, WHAT!?!?! Yeah, I commented back, haha.

Review of weekend:

Frizday- Went to class, went to work, played online at work, easy day.

Satzerday- Went shopping with my mom, got cool belts, two scarves, and a beanie, made my day. Then chilled at home.

Sundizay- Chilled at home some more, watched some movies or parts of movies. Went to my friends Hosey and Corey's house. Chilled with them, watched some movies, ate spaggetti that Corey cooked, drank, played P&A, I was President twice and V.P. once, I own that game! Listened to music, talked about music, then Hosey kissed me...that freaked me out. He's my ex of three years' best friend, but we've been broken up a year, (and he's having a baby with a skank 'ho), so fuck it. Now I'm writing this at work while listening to some Blink 182. FUN FUN!!!

"So here I am, are you ready? So here I am, I'm trying. So here I am, are you ready?" Sorry Blink...

Decisions, Decisions... I'm a little confused by the events of last night now. I mean I love Hosey to death as a friend, but there can't be more. We get along really well, but what's to happen if I run into John (the 3 yr ex) or Ryan (the other ex he's friends with) damn it I need a new crop of people who don't know one another!!! Anyway, I mean I don't care, I personally am as over all of that as I will ever be, and I'm only here in Mississippi for another 8 months, then off to Tennessee, so maybe it won't be so bad to hang out with Hosey. I don't want anything to come of that. Stuff happens for a reason, so that reason was to show me I don't want that. That's what is so strange, I was a nut when I was with John (I was 16-19) and I was young and immature, and just didn't get it. Now I do. Maybe it's b/c I loved John so much that I just let that crap consume me It doesn't change my hopes with Keith in TN. I still want to see what that's all about, but that's so far away. I mean he's on tour and all. Geez life is too confusing. That's what's crazy we have a billion choices, I mean seriously a billion, maybe more, our lives could go a billion different directions. I'm gonna just trust my gut, and realize there are a billion choices. I'm not down with anything too serious for a while anyway, that stuff just messes up your head. Ok, I'm gonna stop now... Later Gators!

Blank

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 00:49:26 GMT

I am running out of colors to write with. Oh yum, I'm eating microwaved mac-N-cheese. Ahh, the sound of a bus backing up...yeppie the people from the conference are leaving for a spell. So it'll just be me, co-workers running around, my manager freaking out, and the old people for the anniversary dinner tonight. 50 years, I can't imagine...GEEZZ. I mean that's my life x 2 plus 10 years! Ok, done with the mac-N-cheese, now I wish these people would leave so I could eat my banana. I have this problem with eating bananas around strange people, something sexual about it. YESSS, they are gone, banana time! Break it down! I think I've lost my bloody mind. That banana was oh so good. Great, now I have writers block...

Me, Depressing??

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 22:55:53 GMT

My mom seems to think I have a depressing personality, that it's the thing keeping me back in life. She says that I need to realize that things in life don't have to be so serious, that I should just relax and let life comes as it does and not worry so much. I think she's stupid. Not really, but I can't help the way my personality is. I mean I am goofy and silly sometimes, but I can't be that way all the time. I think my "depressing personality" is due to the following:

1.   My parents not so happy marriage which ended when I was 6 years old.
2.   The fact that both my parents seem to have been alive all my life, not living.
3.   The fact that my dad cheated on my mom and I lost all hope of happiness.
4.   My mom has spent the last 20 years devoting her life to me, something I would not like to do for someone else.

5. I've always been around adults and from the beginning I saw there was a lot of bullshit associated with life.
6. I've seen a lot of divorces.

7.   My own 3 year relationship went to FUCKING SHIT.
8.   I am brutally honest (which sucks) and no one else seems to be.
9.   I was old from birth.
10. My family has a history of depression.
11. I HATE Mississippi.
12. There is nothing here in Mississippi for me.

Well that's all I can think of now, but there's much more, and much more behind all of that. I think that once I move away from here, find a good guy (who I like), learn to not be so honest, and take some Prozac (just kidding, I'm so against medicating people), then I'll have a chance to beat this "depressing attitude" I seem to possess.

I swear the chair was there!

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 22:06:48 GMT

I was putting on my make-up yesterday, around 11:30 am or so, when I got up from my chair. I reached over my bed to grab a tissue. Then I proceeded to sit back down...only one problem. The chair wasn't there. Well it was, but it wasn't underneath my bum. I had knocked the chair over when getting the tissue and I didn't hear the damn thing b/c I had jackets on the back of it which silenced its fall. So there I was, on the floor, busted ass, sore back that had hit the one leg of the chair. It wasn't pretty. I couldn't speak, the wind knocked out of me, and there stood my loving mother...laughing uncontrollably. Well I'm fine now, just had to share that moment.

Force That Restores Me

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 23:41:37 GMT

Caged within a box,
Heart torn out,
Every second I become colder,
Lonely, time passes,
Hope is slipping effortlessly away,
I fear I am broken.

Suddenly I no longer feel caged,
My heart begins to mend,
Warmth consumes me,
Time now alive,
Hope returns in a new form,
A new voice,
A new promise,
A new future,
What is this the force that restores me?
You,
Your mind,
Your words,
Your soul.

This is for someone very special to me that I recently met. He has given me a new outlook, a new hope. His name is Keith, and I think he's amazing.